A FATHER'S LOVE

Today, Father’s Day, I’m reminded of my father who passed away 29 years ago.

The first time he ever said, “I love you” was on his deathbed. I imagined it took a lot of courage for him to say those three powerful words to me.

My father died of alcoholism resulting from his failure to follow his heart. He allowed himself to be forced into choices that were beneficial to the ones doing the forcing, but not to him or to my mother. His giving in resulted in guilt, anger and frustration; he sought relief through drinking, which only open the door to additional problems.

I spent most of my growing up being fearful of my father because the majority of the time I saw him he was in a drunken rage. But there were times when I suspected that he really did love me.
One time in particular, I was 13, he promised to buy me an electric organ for Christmas. Because of his drinking, my dad was often in and out of work. It took my mother’s meager wages to keep us from being homeless and there seemed to never be any monies for Christmas presents. One of my older brothers would work odd jobs just so presents could be put under the tree for our younger siblings.

One day, my girlfriend came over with a Christmas toy catalog bragging about the table top organ her parents were getting her for Christmas. “What are you getting Ann?” she asked. “Oh nothing,” I replied “Christmas is about Jesus’ Birthday not mine.” That was my way of dealing with the truth that there was never any money for Christmas presents for us older children. After she left, my father with anger in his voice said, “Do you want an organ for Christmas?” I hesitated, not wanting to upset him, “Yes sir” “Well this year nobody is getting a Christmas Present but Ann. Big Eyes (his nickname for me) you are going to get your organ!”

I was ecstatic! Not only was I getting a Christmas present this year, but was getting an organ. "Now I can learn to play just like momma (My mother played the piano)!" I couldn’t wait to tell my girlfriend that I was going to get an organ too. As Christmas approached I became worried that maybe my father wouldn’t be able to keep his promise. And sure enough Christmas came and there was no organ. How could I face my friends? How could I explain that I didn’t get my organ? I imagined them laughing at me and calling me a liar. “She didn’t get anything for Christmas!” I heard the voices say in my head.

During the entire holiday break I avoided my friends, and then a few days before school resumed, my dad came home with a huge box under his arms. “Here Big Eyes” he said, “I told you, you would get your organ!” My dad didn’t get me the table top organ my girlfriend got; he bought me an organ that stood on its own legs with a matching bench and 2 song books.

I don’t know how he was able to grant my Christmas wish since he was out of work that year. He had to pass up many of bottles of Jim Bean and Old Grand Dad to pull off such a feat, and I know he couldn’t have done it if he didn’t love me.

Though I no longer have my organ, I do still have the books that came with it. And when ever I look at its cover I see my little organ standing next to my mom’s piano and I remember the joy in my father’s eyes as he presented me with my present.

Most children blame their parents for them turning out all screwed up because they didn’t fulfill their ideal of what their parents should have been, but not me. I believe that the father God blessed me with help make me a better person. His life served as a guide for me to correct his mistakes by not repeating them in my life. And when I look at my children I see that they have corrected my mistakes by not repeating them in their life.

I thank God for my Dad, he was a one of kind father; the kind that God knew I needed.

MEMORIAL DAY REFLECTIONS

I never really thought much about Memorial Day’s meaning until now. From my childhood up it was just another day off from school and another day off from work; and a day for family and friends to come together for a backyard barbeque.

But since my son’s active participation in the Iraqi war, Memorial Day is no longer a day of social pleasure. It’s a day of solemn reflection of thanks and gratitude to God for allowing my son to return from the war sane and in one peace. And not just my son, but a cousin who served in Viet Nam; an uncle who returned from the Korean War, and my father who made it home just before the outbreak of war in Korea. My thoughts then traveled to the countless men and women who have lost their lives in war to preserve the freedom we enjoy as Americans and secure freedom for countries less fortunate then us.

Despite all of America’s ills and inconsistencies, we are still a blessed nation. And to those of us who put our faith and our focus on the Lord above that of politicians and government leaders, we are extremely blessed.

TO GOD IS THE GLORY FOR THE THINGS HE HAS DONE!

A MOTHER'S DAY THOUGHT

My favorite Mothers’ Day scripture is found in Isaiah 49:15-16. Here the Lord personifies His love for His people as a nursing mother.

"Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands;" (KJV)

What an awesome expression of love. In its context, Israel is in captivity to her enemies as a result of her disobedience to God. And though she feels abandon and forgotten, God uses the prophet Isaiah to express His continued love and care for His people.

We often see God’s love expressed in scripture as that of a father or husband, but here we see a description of His love that is synonymous to mothers. It has been said that when it comes to parents dealing with difficult children, a mother’s love and patience far exceeds that of the father. Yet there comes a time when even mothers become exhausted and give up. But God, in this passage of scripture has committed Himself to the faithful rearing, nurture and care of His people despite their inconsistencies and shortcomings. Though He chasten, He still loves.

It’s comforting to know that when life seems to be crashing in all around us; be it chastisement for sin, or suffering as a servant of Christ, we can crawl into the arms of a loving Father. For we are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus. Nothing and no one can separate us, or pluck us out of His hands. We are permanently and perpetually secure in His faithfulness to us.

Many times in the midst of failure, disobedience and distress, I’ve crawled into the arms of the Father via sincere and humble prayer. It is here that I experience His comforting and forgiving presence; the sweet smelling fragrance of His breath drying the tears from my eyes, reassuring me with memories of His past faithfulness with the promise of continued faithfulness of His love and care for me today and forever more.

AS MUCH AS LIETH IN YOU. . . .

An incident occurred at work that reminded me of my eldest brother Oscar. His mild-mannered nature often made people think he was weak and cowardly, but that was far from the truth. He demonstrated a kind of power and strength that I never recognized until now.

Two other brothers, one older than I and the other younger, were pranksters. They loved making mischief, taking great pleasure in disrupting whatever we found enjoyable. The only one of my parents' eleven children they couldn't upset was Oscar. No matter what they did, hide his comics books (he always had a stash they didn't know about); mess with his 45rpm (45s and LPs that were valuable he kept hidden in a place no one ever found), etc., etc., they couldn't disturb his peace of mind.

I remember one evening when our parents were out, these two mischief makers decided to play a trick on Oscar by sprinkling sugar all over his dinner while he was upstairs getting a comic book to read while he ate. The two hid in the shadows of the living room smiling to each other waiting for the desired outcome of their plan. Oscar came downstairs, sat at the table with his comic book and said, "I know what y'all did to my food, but I'm going to eat it anyway!" and with a smile on his face he did. With their plan backfiring in their face, the two culprits angrily stomped upstairs to their bedroom.

When co-workers began to play similar pranks on me, I heard the words of Romans 12:18 - "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." As I meditated on its meaning and application to my situation, I remembered how Oscar handled our prankster brothers and followed his example.

When teaching tools and supplies important to my work, began to disappear I stopped leaving them in the classroom; I take them home with me each night. When access to shared materials were denied (phonic cards, CDs, CD Player etc.) me, I waited till after school and made personal copies for my own use and brought my own CD player. And when I discovered notes and progress reports to the parents were being removed from my students' cubbies (my shift ends before the children are picked up), I started coming to work early so I can greet the parents when they bring their children to school and hand deliver notes and progress reports.

To some this course of action may seem unnecessarily painstaking. It very well may be, but the results are worth it. My employer is at peace because she doesn’t have to waste valuable time trying to resolve petty issues between employees; I’m at peace because I’m able to do my job without interruption; and my mischief making coworkers have been stilled, at least for a season.

Return from Iraq

AN EXPERIENTIAL GOOD FRIDAY

As I read the scriptures surrounding Jesus’ trial before the religious leaders and Pilate, I began to have flash backs of recent false accusations made against me by a co-worker before my employer in an attempt to have me fired.Though my employer/owner like Pilate knew I wasn’t guilty of the charges, she was unable to administer justice on my behalf because she and my accuser had become bonded through gossip and unscrupulous activities.

On our journey to become one with Christ we must be willing to publicly endure the pain and humiliation of the cross in order to be recipients of His resurrection power of victory in our life (Phil. 3:10). The way of the cross will always look and feel like failure and shame; but it is the method through which we connect with the Lord, becoming a partaker of His holiness and His character to fulfill God’s purpose in the earth (Heb. 12:2-3, 10).

The cross Christ bore was constructed to destroy Him as ours is to destroy us. But because we have been born of the Spirit of God, no weapon formed against us can overtake us. Instead, it will propel us into the glorious presence of the Lord! Jesus’ cross placed Him on the right hand of the Father with all power over heaven and earth in His hands. Likewise our cross brings us before the Lord as honored vessels, beneficiaries of His power.

Did I lose my job? No. God stirred up the owner’s mother (who is part owner of the center) on my behalf which resulted in my accuser recanting her charges or face being fired herself.

PERPETUAL LOVE

Whenever my mind travels down memory lane to my marriage, the good times we shared with family and friends; ending abruptly with divorce, I counteract the depression that would follow by meditation on Romans 8:33-39.

When I married, I married for better or for worst, rich or poor until separated by death. I believed my ex-husband felt the same way also, but third party interference tore him away from me.

On this Valentine's Day I am void of a husband's love. But I am not void of the ultimate love, the love of God. His love is a love I can rest in because His love is perpetual. It is perpetual in that no third party can ever separate me from His love. No on can come to God and lay a charge against me or give a reason why He shouldn't love me. Nothing in this life, be it people or situation, nothing can tear HIS LOVE away from me.

BEAUTY FOR ASHES

". . . . . to give unto them beauty for ashes,. . . " Isaiah 61:3

One year ago today (Feb. 9) my husband left me. I had come home from grocery shopping and had begun putting the food away when he announced, "I'm gone."
"Gone? Gone where?"
I turned aside from what I was doing and there he stood with packed suitcases, "I'm leaving," and walked out the door.

Shock, confusion, fear and anger hit me all at the same time. This must be some kind of joke, I thought, but in the days that followed I discovered it was not. Unemployed since April, I had no income or financial resources; all I had was my faith that some how God was going to bring me through. And "bring me through" is exactly what He did! Three weeks later I found employment.

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning!" The night of agony and grief of separation and divorce has ended and the morning of joy have come. Truly the Lord has turned my "mourning into dancing." (Psalm 30 Key Verses, 5, 11)

JUBILEE!

At age 49 (I’ll make 50 in April) I feel like the Biblical children of Israel preparing for the Year of Jubilee.

For the Christian, Jubilee (freedom from all debts) occurred when Jesus was received as Savior and Lord. But for many, self included, freedom isn’t readily experienced because we don’t realize that most of the things that have us in bondage are self-inflicted resulting from wrong choices.

It is only when we decide to really know Christ and allow His truth to take precedence in us can we experience true freedom (John 8:31, 32).

Truly I am living my best life now!

I AM THAT I AM

Have you ever gone through a series of crisis that occurred simultaneous? And though you’ve come through it all with your sanity and faith intact, do you feel exhausted and all you want to do is crawl into the comforting arms of someone who will hold you with compassion and understanding until your soul is replenish?

That’s how I felt! Since February I had been bombarded with crisis upon crises in every major area of my life that left me feeling abandon and isolated from family and friends who couldn’t identify emotionally with what I was going through. No one could connect with me in my loss because they hadn’t been where I’d been.

“Lord,” I cried, “I need a hug from someone who can feel and understand what I’ve been through. I’m not looking for a new relationship or sexual intimacy, I just want somebody to hold me, to tell me they understand and know what I’m feeling! Isn’t there anyone for me who can give me the comfort I need?”

As I sat with my head in my arms sobbing, I heard in my mind, “I AM THAT I AM.” Over and over again the phrase was repeated, “I AM THAT I AM.” I wiped my eyes and turned to the passage of scripture in Exodus where God identified Himself to Moses through the Burning Bush as “I Am that I Am.” From there I followed the reference scriptures to John 8:58 where Jesus identified Himself to the Pharisees with the same title, and then to Revelation 1:4, 8 where Jesus identifies Himself as the one “who was, who is and who is to come” and “Alpha and Omega the beginning and the ending.”

“Yes Lord, I understand that you are self-existing; you are before all things, you know the beginning and ending of everything that exists, seen and unseen because everything that exists was created by you! But what does that have to do with me and my present needs?”

Tears began to roll down my cheeks as God began to speak to me with my own mouth.

“Anna, I am the God of your past, your present and your future. I was there when you was conceived in your mother’s womb. I was there throughout your growing up when you were rejected, humiliated and misused; I was there! I felt your pain when you was deserted and betrayed by those close to you. I know how you feel! Remember the multitude, even the 70 disciples who followed me only for the fishes and loaves? I know what it feels like to be abandon and betrayed. I was with you then, I am with you now and I will take you safely through to your future.”

“Hallelujah! Thank You Jesus! Hallelujah Lord Jesus!” As I praised and worship God with tears of gratitude and thankfulness I felt the comfort of God surround me, hugging me. The weariness was gone, my soul was replenished. I was now able to enjoy life again.

A Sweet Smelling Fragrance

The Friday after Thanksgiving I walked through my new apartment thanking God for bringing me through past and recent crisis. I thanked Him for getting me out of situations that are a part of life, as well as those I caused by making wrong choices.

I ended my prayer of Thanksgiving by presenting myself as a living sacrifice unto the Lord. I asked Him to forgive me of all my trespasses and to make me a sweet smelling fragrance unto Him. I further prayed, “If I am still Your choice for the work You’ve called me to do, please Lord, reaffirm your selection of me.”

I laid down on the couch and fell asleep. When I awoke an hour or so later the entire living room was filled with the fragrance of almonds. After the fragrance lifted I was compelled to look up all references in the Bible pertaining to almonds.

From the list of references I found, one stood out above the others. In Numbers, chapter 17, there’s a passage of scriptures that tell of God’s selection of Aaron to serve as His High Priest against the rejection of the people. Moses was instructed to take a rod (twig/branch) from the elder of each tribe; the person’s rod that blossomed would be the one He selected. Not only did Aaron’s rod blossom, it also bore almonds! Without question, Aaron was God’s choice.

And without question God has chosen me! Every word and dream He has given me will be established as long as I hold His revelation of Himself to me ABOVE refute of the religious few.

God desires for each of His children to know Him personally, one on one without a middleman. Each of us through the redemptive work of Christ can approach the throne of grace because we are members of the Royal Priesthood, lively stones, formed into God spiritual house He can inhabit (Hebrews 4:14-16; I Peter 2:9).

The five gifts of office mentioned in Ephesians 4:11 were placed by God to nurture each believer into developing a personal relationship with Christ AND NOT dependency on the gifts.