I'M STILL HERE!

It is often said that women don’t like to reveal their age as they get older. But for me, each year is a cause for celebration. Twelve years ago, two months before my 40th birthday, my doctor told me he couldn’t promise I’d live to see it because of cancer and the damage chemotherapy did to my heart.

But Jesus, the Lord God Omnipotent, granted me mercy and allowed me to see my 40th birthday and beyond. On April 19 I celebrated my 52nd Birthday. Each day of each year I am ever grateful for the grace of God manifested in my life.

O how I pray that my life become more and more each day a song of Praise, Glory and Honor unto the Lord; a sweet smelling fragrance unto Him.

Thank You JESUS for life and Life Eternal.

A RESURRECTION DAY THOUGHT

Every year during Good Friday Services, the seven last sayings of Christ from the cross are always expounded on. And every year, whoever speaks on the forth saying, "My God, my God why hast thou forsaken me?" explains Jesus’ statement as being in response to God turning His face from Him because a holy God can’t look on sin.

As I sat in this year’s Good Friday Service I heard something different as the speaker spoke on the forth saying of Christ.

Since Jesus is God manifested in humanity, I believe "my God, my God why hast thou forsaken me" was spoken for our benefit to let us know that God had met His own requirement for the payment of our sins when He hung and died on the cross. It isn’t impossible for God to look on sin; He sees our sin everyday. From Adam and Eve’s rebellion, to their son’s act of murder and down through the ages God has looked on man’s sins. This is why He came to offer Himself in our place to redeem us from our sins. It isn’t that God can’t look on sin; it is sin that separates us from relationship with God.

"My God, my God why hast thou forsaken me?" speaks of His internal agony on the cross as He bore not only our sins but the sins of the entire world; past, present and future. He became our filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). All of our perverseness, wickedness, rebellion and iniquity fell on him (Isaiah 53:5). He became dirty and unclean with our sins. So agonizing was this experience for a holy and sinless God that the weight of our sins was more torturous than the nails that pierced His hands and feet; more excruciating than the spear that pierced His side. I believe His divinity was in intense conflict with His humanity when He became sin for us. That’s why He utters those words.

In grasping this truth, I begin to search myself, looking for signs that I too shared in Christ’s suffering to rid my life of sin. For the proof that we are partakers of His divine nature is seen in our own internal conflict between the indwelling spirit of God and our old sinful nature. There should be in each of us a groaning and painful longing for our bodies to be translated from its present condition (Romans 8:21-23).

II Corinthians 13:5 instructs us to examine (scrutinize) ourselves to make sure that Christ is being formed in us. I want to know (by experience) that the resurrection power of Christ is at work in me (Philippians 3:10).

A REWARDING DAY

Yesterday was a very rewarding day for me as a Christian mom. My son called me at 7:00am. He didn’t call to complain or talk about his problems. He called to talk about his faith in JESUS!

He summed up his excitement in knowing Jesus by saying, “Mom, I’m glad God put you in my life because if it weren’t for your teaching me about Jesus I wouldn’t be where I’m at today. I know that I’m blessed because of your faith in God for me.”

TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY HERO

My uncle (my mother’s brother) died Wednesday, February 7th; eight months after my mom’s death.

My childhood memory of him is that of a super hero. Uncle Luke was a mild mannered Clark Kent kind of guy. He was pleasant, easy going, not easily shaken by life’s periodic storms. He even wore black horn rimmed glasses like Clark Kent.

I never associated him with Clark Kent until I witness the Superman side of him. My parents had gotten into an argument and my father had become violent and physically abusive to my mother. When Uncle Luke walked through the door, he immediately jumped between my mom and dad, and with a powerful voice of authority restored order to a violent situation. No one ever stood up to my dad like Uncle Luke.

He will truly be missed.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Saturday evening (12-30-06) I sat contemplating what changes would occur in the New Year.  I grabbed my journal and read over its pages of the current year, looking for growth and areas in my life I would need to change.

I thought about my eldest daughter and her husband’s drug abuse, and my grandchildren caught in the middle of their mess.  Depression began to overwhelm me as financial concerns and job conflicts joined the despairing party in my mind.

It was in that moment that I cried out, “Lord, I need a word from you that will bring peace and hope to my troubled spirit.”
As I leaned back in my chair trying to find a comfortable position, the following words came to my mind.

“I AM THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA, THE FIRST AND THE LAST, THE BEGINNING AND THE ENDING.  BESIDES ME, THERE IS NO OTHER!”

I sat up straight and began to meditate on the above scriptures.  Peace returned as I realized that the creator of the universe was still in charge!  There is nothing I encounter in life that He is not able to carry me through.

Not only will He hear my prayers for my daughter and grandchildren, He already has!  My grandchildren’s school has begun monitoring my daughter’s care of the children; family members are no longer giving her and her husband money, but are purchasing whatever it is they say they need the money for; and drugs are no longer being used in the house.

Whichever way my finances go, up, down or remain the same, God will provide for and take care of me.  He is before me and behind me; there is no way I can fall from His care.

EMANUEL: GOD WITH US

Christmas Day was the day the Incarnate Christ came as a babe and dwelt among us.

He experienced our life, finite; that we might take hold of His life, infinite.

And we who have received Him as Savior and Lord; He is more than among us---He is now in us!

CHRIST'S TREE

Christ’s Tree wasn’t a pine decorated with tinsel, baubles and miniature colored lights.

It was a rugged tree striped of its foliage, made into a cross decorated with His battered and torn body; trimmed in His blood.

The gifts under His tree aren’t toys and items of temporal pleasures.

His gifts are perpetual; the Holy Spirit and Everlasting Life!

HOPE AGAIN

HOPE AGAIN

God has given me hope for my eldest daughter.  He reminded me of His call to each one of my four children.  And since He delivered my other three children from their destructive paths and set them in the right direction; He will do the same for my eldest child.

GRIEVED IN SPIRIT

“The Lord was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain.”  -Genesis 6:6


For the first time in 33 years of being a mother I feel sorry, grieved that I ever gave birth to my eldest child.

I so much wanted to be a good mother to my four children that I took child development classes so I would know how to correctly nurture and care for them.  I also studied the scriptures to learn how to raise godly children and to be an example to them in following the Lord.  I even taught them from my mistakes so they wouldn’t have to make the same ones.

But my first born, my eldest child chose to listen to worldly friends and reject sound guidance from God’s Word.  She married a man with a long history of drug abuse, who has for the entire seven years of their marriage drugged up every penny she managed to save.  And now she is drugging with him and my six grandchildren are caught in the middle.

Though God grieved at man’s depravity, rebellion against all He wanted for him, He didn’t give up on him.  He provided a way of redemption that man might be reconciled back to Him.

It is this attribute of God that I seek after.  I pray for grace and strength not to give up on my daughter; to hope that she will be reconciled back to God, and for the safety and salvation of my grandchildren.

THANK YOU FOR GIVING TO THE LORD!

Tears flooded my eyes today during Morning Worship when the Worship Pastor sang the song by Ray Boltz, “Thank You for Giving to the Lord.”

As he sung, I was reminded of a dream I had years ago when I served as a Jail & Prison Chaplain. I was an invisible witness to a conversation between an ex-offender and Jesus. The ex-offender with joy and excitement in his eyes hastily ran to Jesus worshipping Him and thanking Him for sending Anna (me) to share the gospel with him.

As the pastor continued to sing tears trickled down my cheeks as my mind looked upon the face of Sis. Lucille Henry. She was the youth pastor’s wife of the church I attended when I was a teenager. During those years my life was full of turmoil. She listen to me, took me on outing with her family; she invested the love of Jesus in my life. It was her and others like her that gave unto the Lord in ministering to me. They are the inspiration God used to propel me to giving unto the Lord in making a difference in the life of the children He has placed around me.

There in the sanctuary I began to re-thank God for all the people He sent to impart Him into my life and for using me to do the same in the life of others.

“Thank you for giving to the Lord,
I’m a life that was changed;
Thank you for giving to the Lord,
I’m so glad that you gave.”

“For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name, in that you have ministered to the saints, and do minister.” Hebrews 6:10 NKJV

STILL GOT WORK TO DO!

My mother's death was so unexpected and unplanned that I began to feel like I could be, and might be next! So, I asked God if I was next to die. I laid down and had a wondrous dream.

I dreamed I was walking up some steep white steps with a group of people. The steps ended at a landing where a long narrow white table stood with a male behind it handing out report cards. The person's face was never shown, but I knew it was a male by his voice.

When individuals before me received their report card, they walked over to the left where there was an opening that led to a place that was baby blue in color with white clouds. Each person who received their report card walked into this open space.

When I reached the landing, I was handed my report card. My grades were not A status as I thought; the person behind the desk said, "It's not time for you to graduate, go back down." As I walked down the stairs with my report card I woke up. I understood the dream to mean I still have work to do.

I have also begun to put my house in order so that when it is my time to graduate, my affairs will be taken care of.

FORGIVEN TO FORGIVE

The proof that you have experienced God’s forgiveness is when you no longer struggle to forgive others.

My first marriage lasted 24 years. Within those years, whenever any crises occurred, my former husband would desert me and our children, leaving us to weather the storm alone. When things got better, he’d come back. After repeating this cycle several times (the last time being the straw that broke the camel’s back), I gave him the divorce he threaten me with, and refused him entrance back into my life.

This past Wednesday he was hospitalized for heart failure. As soon as I heard I began praying for his recovery; pleading with God to extend his life, giving him another chance to know Jesus as his personal Savior and Lord.

I feel nothing but compassion and mercy for him. And I know it is because of God’s mercy and compassion in His forgiveness toward me.

Dear Lord, I thank you for forgiving me of every one of my sins against you. May I forever transmit your love and forgiveness of me, toward everyone who has sinned against me. In Jesus’ name, Amen

THREE IN ONE

Sometimes I feel so alone; like I’m the only one left.

I, my mother, and her mother; we were a threesome. My faith in Jesus was nurtured by these two women.

Just before my grandmother died, she said her greatest desire was that my mom’s two brothers and sister would accept Christ. She also hoped that her grandchildren who rejected Christ would change their mind and accept Him.

After her passing it became I and my mother’s prayer that my two uncles and aunt and their children; my siblings (spouses) and their children would accept Jesus and develop a trusting faith in Him.

Now my mother is gone, and I stand alone among my family in continuing the prayer.

Before she passed, my son and middle daughter returned to the Lord; two of my seven brothers have become ministers (my eldest brother is a pastor); another brother has begun seeking the Lord; and one of my three sisters is active in church. One of my uncles is attending church, and some of his children are in church. My aunt and her children reject everything that involves church and one of her daughters is into Hinduism.

I received a phone call from one of my younger brothers. He called to tell me he was released from prison and is now in a halfway house. He said he’s given his life to the Lord and desire that I write and keep him in prayer.

I will continue in prayer.

LIFE GOES ON

It's been a little over a month since mom's passing. It still doesn't seem like she's gone until I pick up the phone to call and realize that I can't.

We use to talk to one another 2-3 times a week. Sharing our writing, recipes for one, our grown children, grandchildren, and for her--great-grandchildren. We also shared our faith in Jesus.

My missing her is not grief, its just loneliness for her conversation. I know she's in the presence of the Lord with grandma. Truly these two women have done for me what Timothy's mother and grandmother did for him (2 Timothy 1:5).

MOTHER'S DAY 2006

My mom died today, May 14, 2006 at 11:30pm. She has completed her walk on the water with Jesus; she is safe in His presence.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

On April 19, I celebrated another year of life. When I look over my history, I can truly say that despite the ups and downs of marriage, child rearing, divorce, illness, crisis, etc., I've lived thus far a very full life.

In every circumstance confronted with, Jesus was with me. Sometimes He walked alongside me and sometimes He carried me. Sometimes He stirred others to be His voice of comfort and hand of deliverance, and at other times He personally whispered words of peace, and lifted me from the pit.

Water walking with Jesus; its the only way to live a life of VICTORY!

LOVE

LOVE

As the eldest daughter among 11 siblings, sacrificing one’s desires for family was a way of life. By the time I reached adulthood, putting myself at the end of the line became to me as natural as breathing.

This past Valentine’s Day I did something I don’t ever recall doing. I took time out to express love for myself. I bought myself a yellow rose and a box of Valentine Chocolates that read “To Someone Special.”

I am someone special; special enough that Jesus left heaven, came to earth and sacrificed His life for me on Calvary’s Cross; so special I am to Him that He took His shed blood and washed all my sins away; giving me peace and everlasting life.

BLESS THE LORD O MY SOUL!

“Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all HIS benefits:

Who forgiveth all thine iniquities;
Who healeth all thy diseases;”

Today is the second day of my recovery from Acute Bronchitis. I didn’t know what was wrong with me this past Thursday. I was in so much pain I couldn’t drive myself home from work; I had to call my daughter to come pick me up. When I got to the clinic, I had a high fever, headache and chills.

“Acute Bronchitis” the doctor told me, an infection has settled on your bronchial tubes.” He then gave me a prescription for an antibiotic and follow up.

For those first two days I couldn’t do anything but lie in bed moaning, sip water and cough up phlegm. By the third day I could get out of bed, fix myself breakfast, lunch and dinner; check my email and put together my lesson plan for Monday. And today, Sunday, I am ever so grateful to God for my recovery. I’d never thought about the havoc one tiny germ entering the body can cause till now. What a great opening for a show and tell lesson to my preschoolers to reinforce personal hygiene.

FORGETTING and REACHING FORWARD

I have purpose in my heart since January 1st to forget a particular loss of last year and reach forward to the thing the Lord has ahead for me.

Since making this declaration, my mind seems to be wondering in the past more than ever.  But I’ve found that verbalizing my goal in my own ears (“forgetting those things that are behind”) causes my thoughts to shift in forward motion.

NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME

“No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; . . . “Isaiah 55:17

Even when I didn’t know a weapon was being formed against me, God did!  And, He didn’t allow the weapon to be successful; in fact, it backfired on the person who formed it.

How can I not serve such an awesome Lord who continues to have my best interest at heart?